Case Study of a Good Girl (GG) in a State of Trauma

Background: S is a woman in her mid-20s. Her family is intact and stable, and she appears to have a strong relationship with all members, traveling home to visit them (in another state) every four to six weeks. S’s voice and manner are typically pleasant, although often punctuated with comments and complaints about any given situation. S seems happy with her employment, and has recently gotten married to her boyfriend of three years.

Presenting Problem: Recently, I had dinner with S. S was four weeks post-wedding, and appeared to be in a fragile state. Gamely, I took her proffered pictures, smiled at her breathless “these aren’t the real ones, just some my friend took” apologies, and slowly perused each picture before handing them to the other woman at the table. S looked beautiful and happy. The photographs of the tables at the reception featured huge white stargazer lilies. “Those are gorgeous!” I exclaimed, truthfully. “I love tall arrangements!”

The other woman agreed. “I love white flowers,” she said sincerely.

Then it happened.

A verbal dam broke. “OH!” S exclaimed. “You should have seen the room! It was SO AMAZING. We had these round tables with these tall arrangements, and then these square tables with a smaller arrangement,” S paused to flip though the pictures frantically. “I don’t have the pictures here, but there were these boxes and the flowers were sort of bending toward the boxes. It was incredible. We had draped the walls of the room and the rabbi actually thanked us at the end because we had shown everyone how beautiful the room could look. And trust me, it wasn’t beautiful before. We were there the night before for…”

This went on for two hours, or 120 minutes, or 7,200 seconds, all of which I cannot get back. Two hours WITHOUT A PAUSE. A short list of topics covered (in between breathless bouts of “I’m not boring you, am I?”):
• Food at the wedding (“Everyone said it was the best food they’d ever had”).
• Mistakes that were made and detailed instructions of what would be done differently given the chance.
• The “amazing energy” that surrounds the day (there were tears during this part).
• Trials of dealing with her in-laws (“They all hate me” and “They think my parents’ house is too big”).
• Adventures her and her husband (“I LOVE saying my husband!”) had experienced since the big day, including moving in together for the first time.
• Lack of contact with friends post-wedding (“I haven’t talked to ANYONE since the wedding. It’s been all about me and my husband!”)

Diagnosis and Analysis: S is a “Good Jewish Girl,” which is similar to a “Good Indian Girl,” or a “Good Christian Girl,” or any other “Good (INSERT HERE) Girl.” A typical Good Girl (GG) has probably reached her mid-20s with the following: very little boozing or drugging or whoring, a whole lot of parental control (either by choice or overbearing parents), and limited contact with friends outside of her race, social class, or sexual orientation. A GG will almost surely experience a surprisingly sharp rise in sexual proclivity post-engagement or nuptials.

We all know a GG or two: They are kind of boring but nice enough, a little plain but pretty enough, smart enough but not intimidating. They don’t bother with “What does it all mean?” or “Why am I here?” types of questions, and will instead get fixated on a character from a television show, or maybe a friend whose behavior is shockingly un-GG (boozing/whoring/drugging), or most likely, on the latest irritations due to a boyfriend/fiancé/husband.

The latter is what separates the GG from the rest of us: the GG always has a committed guy in her life. And she won’t shut up about him. A typical conversation may look something like this:
You: How are you doing today?
GG: Oh fine, but you’ll never believe what happened with [INSERT NAME OF BOYFRIEND/FIANCE/HUSBAND HERE]! He was at work, totally normal day, and then the mail guy delivered his mail to the WRONG office! And he almost missed a really important letter! It was horrible!
You: (stunned silence at this unexpected non sequitur, then slowly) Oh…wow, that sucks…(voice trails off).
GG: (oblivious) I know! Can you believe it? I mean, really, I don’t know who they think they are messing with his mail like that? Seriously? The mail guy should be FIRED. [BOYFRIEND/FIANCE/HUSBAND] was so stressed out that he went out and had drinks with his coworkers and they all decided they were going to talk to their boss about getting the mail guy fired. I mean, isn’t that awful?!?
You: (wondering if it’s possible for a stiff gin and tonic to be willed into your bloodstream to dull this experience) Yeah…(glancing around casually for instruments of self-harm)…mail guys can be rough to deal with.

Key features of a conversation with a GG include:
• Inability to separate self from partner, as evidenced by answering questions about her with information about her partner. Also evidenced by overuse of the plural “we” in answer to questions about her (i.e. “WE enjoyed the movie” or “That is one of OUR favorite restaurants.”)
• Decrease in interest when asked about topics other than partner, as noted by glazed eyes, silence punctuated with a half-smile, absent nodding)
• Failure to relate to any aspect of life that does not have to do directly with her or her partner. Thus, you may tell no stories about boozy mistakes, cute outfits found cheap, your volunteer work with homeless teens, Hillary/Barack showdowns, that dumb Miss Teen South Carolina, the person you’re dating, etc.)

Treatment: There is no treatment for a GG. They prefer to remain in the company of either their partners or other GGs. Those who do not fall into either category should steer clear of this type.